This year has been a big one for me in the realisation that
just because everyone else says something and does something it doesn't mean it
has to be the same for you too. There
were so many things that people said before I left Lancaster and whilst I was
making my plans for this year that I felt so strongly that in order to make the
most of this year I had to stick to them.
It has taken until now for me to realise how wrong I was.
Everyone says that the year abroad is going to be the most
amazing year of your life, you’ll make loads of new friends, your language will
come on leaps and bounds and that you’ll never want to go back to the UK. Well, that just isn’t always true. Yes, for some people it is a great year, they
have a fantastic time and the thought of going home fills them with dread ,but
for others of us it isn’t the case, we get homesick and just spend the year
wishing away the weeks. I’m not going to
tell you that I’ve not enjoyed this year, because I have, I appreciate the
opportunities it has given me, and have had fun seeing new things and
travelling to new places. But I cannot
and will not tell you that it has been the best year of my life, because it
quite plainly hasn’t. Don’t get me
wrong, I am by no means complaining about the year abroad and the opportunities
it has given me, I am just saying that it hasn’t lived up to the hype that
surrounded it.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it? With it I’d have gone to a place where I knew
more people, or not worried so much about living with native speakers or all
those other pressures that get placed on us.
I’d have done as many of those things that we were told not to as I
wanted, knowing that it might not be the best for my language or my “experience”,
but that I’d have felt a hell of a lot better for it. In October I decided to go to Lancaster for a
weekend, but that decision came after a lot of umming and ahhing about whether
it was the “right” thing to do. I should
probably have made more decisions like this one, that were for my happiness not
what I felt I should be doing according to everyone else.
I have not found this year, so far, easy. In fact, I have probably found it harder than
I have let on to many of you whilst I have been hiding behind the part of me
that thinks that I am on my year abroad and so I have to have a fantastic time.
I guess that all I’m trying to say is, to all those people
that are planning their year abroad, or are on it and sharing my
experience. It doesn’t matter. We all have hugely different experiences on
the year abroad. Some love it, some hate
it and some just have an “ok” time. It
doesn’t matter.
Please don’t try to put a label on the year abroad, it can’t
be done.
Absolutely fantastic post Bex, so glad someone else is being brutally honest and not hiding the bad parts! Not long to go now, lots of love xx
ReplyDeleteHi! Sorry, I tumbled upon your blog via LuLangs, i might be a bit intrusive, but I totally recognise myself in the point you are making. I am a 3rd French student, on my year abroad in Lancaster Uni, and my year abroad has been labelled as : easy, going out, expensive and a lot more. It is clearly not what people have said, and i'm proud of it. Your year abroad is what you want it to be, you don't have to live it up to the expectations of people who are not abroad. :)
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologise! I'm glad there are people from different places reading, and to have someone on a YA in Lancaster reading is quite cool for me. I'm glad you agree with me, this post has caused all sorts of mis interpretations of people thinking I'd not reccomend the YA, people asking me if I am OK etc so to see there are other people out there that get what I'm talking about is always a positive thing! I hope you're enjoying the last term in Lancaster :)
Bex x
I'm about to write an article like this, a sort of summary, in French and English, feel free to read if you want to brush up your French a bit. :) x
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I will do, where can I find it? :) x
ReplyDeleteJust click on my name, there's a link to my blog. :) x
ReplyDeleteJust came across this on Google, on my YA in Spain at the moment and found myself agreeing with every single word. I'm determined to finish it but at the moment I just want it done. I think I'll look back and be proud I did it the year but god, it really is hard. Thanks for posting this x
ReplyDeleteHey this is a fantastic article. I am abroad in Quebec and I have heard from other people that your year abroad is the one year to remember, it is supposed to be the peak of your student life. I have to say that after one semester of struggle finding people, finding happiness I just come to piece with the fact that it s not going to happen. People tell me over and over again that I have to get out there and talk to people, do they know how weird you come across just approaching people like a creep, especially as a second language french speaker. I do not live in uni accommodation, which makes it even more difficult. I would give a lot to be able to call someone right now and go out for a beer. But there is noone, i m completely alone and I am starting to talk to myself. The more rejected I feel the more negative I get and when I sit alone in a coffeeshop by myself looking at people talking and chit chatting the day away I wish I was in Scotland with my friends and the pub and my life.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a comforting piece to read. I'm currently studying abroad for a year in Spain and I am so, so homesick. Everyone kept telling me it would wear off and that I'd eventually settle in and by the time it was all over, I'd never want to return home. I'm halfway through my year abroad, and I can't wait to go home. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my own culture, I miss the English language, and I've honestly never felt more lonely or out of place in my life. I have a few friends who I go out with, but none that I can actually sit around with and talk to. I feel like so many of my friends here are just friends of convenience rather than real friends, which in a way is worse than having no friends at all. My real friends who actually care about me and who I have stuff in common with are at home. I keep telling people at home that I'm having a good time because I don't want to seem like the only person who doesn't enjoy the year abroad (because everyone else around seems like they're having a ball), but it's not really true. I also feel like other people think I'm some kind of freak because I'm not over the top enthusiastic about everything like they are. I also wonder how many of them are genuinely enjoying their time as much as they want everyone to think, or if they're just putting up a bit of a front, seen as it's considered so "weird" to not think that the year abroad is "the best year of your life".
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks for posting this.
Sorry, I've just stumbled across this and can I say, thankyou for posting this.
ReplyDeleteI went abroad to America two years ago and I made lots of new friends, saw a lot of the town, went to New York and Niagra Falls. But, I do regret not doing anything for Halloween. I was also the only British person on my floor and a lot of other exchange students were further down and formed their own group; they were more active and I wasn't part of that. They also did more; they went to Canada and also Harry Potter World for Spring Break, whereas I went home to my family. I missed my family dearly while I was away and spent the first semester quietly counting down the days. It wasn't that I wasn't enjoying myself, I liked the change and I liked learning new things from a different point of view and I liked meeting new people who commented on my accent.
But, it wasn't the brilliant hype other people seem to have had. I think I was a little nervous, as it was my first time out in the big wide world on my own and I did miss home. I did have a lot of expectations about it before I arrived, but the reality was very different. I couldn't find any clubs that adhered to my interests (creative writing; I looked and I looked and they seemed to have everything at the student union but) and I'm not sure I got out enough during second semester. One of my friends took me shopping regularly and got me out into the city, which was kind of her, but she spoke a lot about how much she had done when she was over in England and it made me feel rather self-conscious.
Part of me wonders if I could have done more to help myself; trouble is, I'm an indoor girl and it was a cold city, which suited me fine because I don't like the heat. And then to cap it all off in the last couple of months, an attempt at romance with a boy I befriended went spectacularly wrong and resulted in an awful falling-out, made worse by the fact we were sharing a class and I was too proud and stubborn to admit my share of the blame.
Yes. I know. I made a lot of mistakes during my year abroad and I'm grateful for the knowledge. But I didn't have a spectacularly brilliant year; I just had a 'good' one for the most part. Some days, I think, 'Really it was nothing more than just "okay."' I do regret what happened at the end and wish I could go back in time to change that bit and just tell my past self, "No, don't get together with that guy," "Go here," "Why don't you try this?"
BUT - I did what I thought was best at the time. AND - there were good moments. I went to the mall. I got kissed by a drag-queen. I met a lot of friendly people. I went to the cinema, including the midnight Harry Potter premier. I found time for a lot of pleasure-writing. And when I went home for Spring Break, I saw Frankenstein at the National Theatre, which was what I wanted to do.
I do think back to the University with fondness and there are a lot of things I miss; the teachers, my friends, walking around campus in the late afternoon light, having a coffee in their Starbucks and enjoying some of the marble cake over a book. :P
I'm really sorry to throw all this at your blog out of nowhere, especially as you don't know me, but yes - I can really relate. After two years glossing over the bad bits of the year abroad to people who ask, and thinking you're the only person who's not had a brilliant once, it's refreshing to find someone who feels the same way. I was starting to think I was just a bit weird.
Coming back to my blog for the first time in a while tonight and just catching up on the comments. I am so so glad that there are people out there that agree with the post and people that have found this helpful/a comfort.
ReplyDeleteI've just read your blog and it's really helped me out. I'm currently on my Year Abroad and having a miserable time at the moment, but reading your blog has made me realise that I don't need to live up to anybody's expectations and it's my Year Abroad. I need to do things that make me happy, not because other people think I should.
ReplyDeleteI'm about to finish my year abroad in Nantes. In just over a week I'll go back there for my final two weeks. All I want to say is that I wish I could have stumbled across this article earlier, knowing people are in the same boat as me has been a great comfort. Seeing posts on Facebook for the last 8 months of everyone having a great time has made me feel uncomfortable and feel that I have to live up to people's expectations. Now I know I don't have to! Thank you for this post.
ReplyDelete